Finding Calm Amidst the Chaos

I had the privilege of listening to Ann Douglas, a fellow Canadian and renowned author, speak about her experiences in Parenting Through the Storm. As she reflected on her journey, she shared something that struck me deeply. When asked if there was anything she would do differently, she responded with such simple clarity:

"I wish I could have been more calm."

It wasn’t a statement made out of judgment or self-blame, but rather an honest regret. Ann noticed how her own stress had weighed on her children, how they carried the burden of her overwhelm, even when she tried her best to protect them from it.

Why Calm Matters

Our children want to know that we can handle it—that in the chaos of life, in all the ups and downs, we have the strength to weather the storm.

This truth has been one of the biggest drivers for me, both personally and professionally. I remember a time, years ago, when our family was barely hanging on. In that season of life, I made a choice that felt radical at the time: I invested in myself. More than in my children’s activities or new clothes, I chose to prioritize my own well-being.

Choosing Myself: The Path to True Healing

At first, it felt selfish. Prioritizing my needs—my emotional, mental, and spiritual health—went against the grain of everything I thought motherhood should be. But something deep inside of me knew it was necessary. If I was going to be the kind of mother my daughters needed, I had to be someone who could handle it. And to handle it, I needed to heal.

That decision—choosing myself—wasn’t easy. It required me to tend to my own wounds, to seek out spaces where I could be held in love and non-judgment. I found support in the circles of other women, where we shared our challenges and believed in the seemingly impossible. It was in these spaces that I learned how to hold space for my own healing, which in turn allowed me to do the same for my family.

The Ultimate Process

Lived experience is a powerful teacher. Transforming our pain into wisdom, into the medicine that heals ourselves and others, is an alchemical process. It is the path of growth, the journey of motherhood, and the evolution of our own inner strength.

A Gentle Reminder

There is so much more to say. I wish we could sit down together on a comfy couch in a cozy cottage, chatting over tea about life, motherhood, and the way forward. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Perhaps one day, we will.

For now, I want to offer this reminder as you navigate your own journey, especially if you're a mother:

You are supported. You are divinely guided. We are all born from mothers, and at some point in our lives, we learn to mother ourselves. Whether we have children or not, we all embark on the journey of nurturing the deepest parts of our being. This is the essence of the Gray Mother—the keeper of her own wisdom, the one who finds strength in her lived experience.

Here’s to finding our way through it all, one step at a time, with love and grace.