Week 2: Soul Fever


Nobody gets to skip the soul fevers and growing pains of life.

In order to learn who they are, and what feels right to them, a child must grapple with these emotional upsets.

It's all part of self-regulation.



Quite simply

  • We know our children as no one else can.

  • While our love may always be there, our attention can sometimes suffer.

  • Simplification is about stripping away the distractions that threaten connection.

  • Soul fever is an opportunity for connection and more simplification.

  • When your child seems to deserve affection least, that's when they need it most.


We treat emotional fever like physical fever. We simplify.

  1. Notice the emotional/feeling life. 

  2. Quiet things down. Suspend routines. Why is my child overwhelmed? What is the inner conflict? 

  3. Let fever run its course. Allow your child to experience the fever, offering love and staying close.

  4. Return to typical day to day life renewed. 


Comfort is a large part of healing. How do you comfort your child?
This is a skill that is learned. 

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
— Viktor Frankl

compassionate response 

1. Getting centered:  Breathe gently. focus your attention on your heart. What sort of self-talk might help?

2. Golden moment: Imagine your child happy, at peace, in flow. Keep image in your mind. Now how you feel in your body and release or breathe the picture out. When is he/she at their best? 

3. Soul fever: Imagine your child upset, withdrawn, angry, down. Allow the images to surface, until one picture is clearer. Hold this image and practicing drawing close or breathing in the picture of the soul fevered child. 

4. Breath in, breathe out. Know that you are not alone either is your child. You can tap into universal feeling of suffering and compassion. 

simplicity change process

  1. IDENTIFY dissatisfaction. Does your child have soul fevers?

  2. IMAGINE how things could be, how you’d like them to be.

  3. DESIGN one small doable change.

  4. FULFILL your change

  5. REVIEW celebrate, review and plan your next move.

imagine how secure your child will feel knowing that...

  • When something is really “up”, when they don’t feel right, you will notice and respond.

  • Your love will accommodate and look beyond their less-than-best selves.

  • They are deeply known and instinctively cared for.

journal prompts

Where does my attention go? What distracts me? 

How can I develop my instincts for compassion? What stops me from being compassionate?

List other strategies that help calm me in and outside of a heated moment. 



 An hour audio where Kim John Payne speaks about soul fever and compassionate response. Meditation starts at 40 minutes. 

our group replay