Week 6: Nature and Nurture
Our ability to regulate ourself means:
to self-soothe and calm
refocus our attention in the present
temper our behaviour and mood when necessary
Begins around ten months and continues to develop throughout life
Factors that influence our ability to cope:
stress (big and little)
sleep and support
hormonal changes, genetics
skills and past experiences
Between two to ten months, your child is using you mostly as a ‘self-regulating other’. Your presence is essential.
What is one do-able thing you can do?
To honour all your emotions
Give yourself permission to…
Delegate. Receive support.
Keep it simple and reduce stress.
The genetic influence of how you and your child react to the world around you.
This affects mood, ability to calm yourself and activity level.
There is a continuum for all of us which is what makes us unique.
Intensity (mild to intense reactions)
Persistence (easily stops to locks in)
Sensitivity (unaffected to easily over-stimulated)
Perceptiveness (hardly notices to notices everything)
Adaptability (adapts quickly to slowly)
Regularity (with eating/sleep/bodily functions)
Energy (quiet to very active)
First reaction (jumps right in to slow to warm up)
Mood (positive to serious)
Spirited child, high needs baby, introverted, extroverted, highly sensitive child, easy baby, active child…your child will show you who they are. Part of the journey of parenthood is to nurture who they are and help them master the skills that will enable them to function in the world as capable adults.
Attachment style refers to the fact that all children develop a mental model of what to expect from close others. It begins in infancy.
About 40% of all children have an insecure attachment style.
Notice the adaptive (healthy and unhealthy) ways you picked up in your childhood. You can nurture you raise your little one and gain the skills to foster a secure attachment.
Secure: Expects to be liked and cared for. Feels safe being close to others and going about in the world.
Anxious: Clingy and afraid of being left alone and in adulthood it makes one fear being unloved or abandoned. Unreliable.
Avoidant: Develops when parents do not want a child around, are neglectful, abusive and overstimulating. Infants minimize contact and cannot explore in a relaxed way.
what you can do
Manage your stress and emotions. Keep arguing to a minimal in front of children. Be flexible, warm and supportive. Respond to your child’s unique needs.
Love this video, also from Brene Brown on blame. As we all know that our family relationships and friendships go through growing pains when having a baby.
Reach out for help if you would like some guidance in getting through this season of your life.
You’re not alone and it shows great strength. It definitely takes a village.
Talk to Lynne.
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